Girl trusted him and they proceed to make their own movie.

Few weeks later girl misses menstrual period. She takes a pregnancy test and confirms that she is pregnant. She calls boy and blames him for deceiving her. Boy is in a state of disbelief as he claims that he has practiced the withdrawal method as his preferred form of contraceptive for years and it never failed him.
The big question that faces both of them is how they are going to face girl’s father who is a well respected business man who is also a licensed firearm holder. Girl’s mother is a staunch Christian lady who sings on the choir and is patron of the youth mentorship programme at church
When they mustered the courage to share the news with her parents the first response from her dad was that boy MUST marry girl as the child would not be born out of wedlock.

Though this scenario is fictitious many husbands and wives can relate to it. The phenomenon of the shotgun wedding came about years ago where it was said that the father of the impregnated woman would literally threatened the “culprit” with a shotgun forcing him to marry his daughter or face the “blasting” consequences. And so a wedding is hastily arranged with or without the baby father’s consent.

Today shotgun weddings do occur but without the strong urging of the firearm holder. The husband to be is still made aware of his obligation to “repair the damage” in a respectable way.

Shotgun weddings occur to restore honour and integrity to first the parents of the girl, especially if they are outstanding citizens, and secondly to the girl who may well be a devout Christian. Usually the boy’s parents would go with the arrangements so as to appease the parents of the girl.

Another reason for a shotgun wedding is that the girl may insist that she does not intend to have the child born outside of wedlock. She may even get married a week before the child is due. The wedding may not be elaborate and may in fact occur at the marriage officer’s office.

Downside of shotgun weddings

The couple may not be compatible and so problems develop early in the marital relationship

The couple may not benefit from premarital counselling as the wedding plans took priority

The male may not be financially ready for marriage and so comes under severe pressure to deliver

The female may not be ready emotionally and psychologically for the double role of wife and mother and so she disengages her self from the roles that were thrusted upon her

The relationship between the husband and his in-laws might be strained as he holds them responsible for his “life imprisonment”

Although the female may have always wanted an elaborate wedding ceremony, she may have to settle for a less than glamorous event

Because both parties were not ready for marriage nor parenthood they may exist as strangers who happen to share similar space

The male may feel that the female deliberately got pregnant to force him to get married to her. He may despise her as he feels he was trapped

The man may continue in his “womanizing” ways after marriage as he was never committed to the monogamous lifestyle

The marriage may be a “face saving” activity but the marriage may well need saving in the long run

Crisscounsellor

The truth is there are some men who believe that it is okay to have a woman “mind” them. Some are so used to be pampered to by their parents especially their mothers and so never learned what it is to be responsible. Some of them at the ripe age 30 are still living at there parents home avoiding the expenses of food and housing. The man who is considered a “mamma’s boy” can be quite a challenge for a woman who is looking for a strong and responsible man who will provide for her emotional and financial needs.

A word of advice to the woman who is in a relationship with a worthless man:

 Try and use gentle persuasion to encourage him to find a job or go back to school. If you nag him it might make matters worse
 Don’t compare him to your friend’s gentleman, he will take offence to it
 Don’t flaunt your financial superiority over him. Some men can become violent when there fragile egos are bruised
 Don’t spoil him. Allow him to take up his responsibility as a provider.
 Have a serious talk with him clearly outlining your expectations of him and the relationship
 If after sometime have elapsed and there is no change you may have to give him an ultimatum

A word of advice to the mothers who still “baby” their grown sons:

 You are not helping your son to be responsible if you continue to cater to his every need. A grown man must go out and face life especially if he plans to marry
 If you see your son getting too comfortable at home, especially when the big 30 is approaching sit him down and have a serious talk with him about his future
 If he decides to stick around then charge rent for the room he occupies and let him contribute to the light bill
 Don’t always cook his meals let him help himself and prepare his own meals from time to time
 Don’t support his laziness especially when his lady complains to you

A word of advice to the lazy guy:

 Remember you have a God given responsibility to take care of your spouse and family. If you remain sheltered you will never have an idea of what it is to truly take care of a family

 Understand that women today are more liberated and will not sit around waiting on a man to mind them. Educate yourself and place yourself in a position of leadership

 Get rid of the idea that a woman should mind you. Your spouse is supposed to be your life partner not your mother so don’t burden her with an added role.

 If you don’t hold down a job is not an excuse to sit around doing nothing .Get up and do something, instead of looking for a job, create one

 Be reasonable you can’t expect the woman to work hard all day and then come home and wash the dishes, prepare and serve meals. Help her with the chores. You would stand a better chance of getting some intimate attention later

 If you are in your thirties and still at your parent’s home, try and leave home and go rent a room. You need to experience the outside world so that you can better prepare for greater responsibilities

In some instances, since the divorce, the couple seems to spend more time together than apart; hence there is no closure to the relationship.

The truth is some divorcees come to the new relationships with many unresolved issues. The situation becomes even more complex if there are children in the picture.

For both parties they are back on the market once more and so determined to make it right the second time around.

What should a man/woman consider if they decide to date/marry a divorcee?

1.Find out what led to the divorce. On what grounds was the marriage dissolved?
2.If you can, listen the side of the story as told by the ex
3.Find out who has custody of the children
4.Find out what is the state of the relationship with the children
5.Find out what is the state of relationship with the ex
6.Will the children be living with you and your husband
7.How do his/her family members feel about the ex wife/husband
8.How do your family members (including your children) feel about the divorcee
9.Are there some “bad habits” that the person has that led to the divorce e.g. infidelity
10.What are legal obligations e.g. shared property, alimony etc.

Although one or both parties “have been there and done that” premarital sessions are very important as they seek to identify areas of compatibility /differences and to agree on what compromises will be made. It is quite easy for both parties to contrast and compare the present spouse with the former and so create unnecessary strain in the relationship.

The adjustment period can be quite a challenge as one or both parties in the marriage have to make a conscious effort to focus on the present relationship and not be distracted by events of the pass. The second wife must understand that if her husband had child/children from the first marriage, especially if the child/children are young, he will have to visit them, sometimes at the former wife’s home. She must also appreciate that the child may never accept her as “mom” and may even resent her. Every child would prefer to have both their parents residing under one and the same roof.

It is not uncommon for the former wife or husband to want to “bun bad lamp” for their former spouse. The new wife/husband must be aware of this ploy and not fall in that trap. Sometimes the ex is so hurt coming out the failed relationship that they want to inflict similar pain on their former partner.

There are also instances that the former couple though divorced, still visit each other and even engage in a sexual relationship. The new wife/husband need to be absolutely sure that there is closure on the past relationship before committing to the divorced individual.

Just be yourself, don’t pretend to be what you are not. Forget the hype
Remove the “don’t come close sign”. It is usually communicated via body language
Be pleasant, smile a while. Your admirer might just be captivated by it
Be a lady , the bad word cursing,hard liquor drinking, heavy smoking and boisterous behaviour just won’t cut it
Avoid being the centre of attraction if you are not required to be. If you have to be upfront, then be gracious
Have a good command of the English language especially grammar
Wear clothes that accentuate your physical attributes but don’t over do it. Leave something to the admirer’s imagination
Don’t come on too strongly, it may scare off your admirer
Don’t come too easy, this may also scare off the admirer
Offer a helping hand if you can, not expecting anything in return. Be genuine
Don’t be labeled an OPP ( other people property ) specialist
Don’t be labeled a “Begesha” eg beg cell phone or credit
Don’t be labeled a gold digger

Men – how to get women to really notice you

Be confident and self assured not self centred
Be neatly attired. If you carry a pot belly wear it attractively
Be genuine. Offer assistance without expecting a favour in return
Be ambitious especially if you don’t have a lot of money
Be respectful of women and be sensitive to their views, opinions and feelings
Don’t be labeled a woman beater or a drunkard
Don’t be labeled a player
Develop a healthy sense of humour
Develop the art of conversation. Don’t let sex be the only subject you can talk about
Drop the macho hype and express your emotions openly
Open the car door for her and when you both are entering a building allow her to go in before you
When you drop her home don’t leave until she is safely in the house
If for some reason you will be late for an appointment/date with her call her and explain the reasons
Call her every now and again but DON’T crowd her. A telephone call at three in the morning is just plain idiotic
On special occasions it’s not the size of the gift basket that truly matters but the simple gestures that express thoughtfulness and care
When you are in a situation of conflict, don’t retaliate in a violent way. This will only embarrass her. Just be cool and stay in control

l

If you are then consider the following

•Men know that women are primarily emotional beings and that a woman will do almost anything for her man especially when he showers her with love and affection
•Men know that some women give sex to get love and so he tells her what she wants to hear -sweet nothing
•Men know that women value stability and so he reassures her that he will leave his wife so that they can be together
•Men know that women value family life and so he has a child with her so that he can have good excuse to visit her
•Men know that some women are desperately lonely so he offers companionship that has a price tag
•Men know that some Christian women are crying out for sexual release and so he presents himself as that source of release
•Men know that there is a shortage of good men and so he projects himself as a member of this extinct group. He conducts himself like a real gentleman so that he will be noticed
•Men know that some women are competitive by nature and so he pities them against each other so that they can prove to him who is the better lover

The truth is ladies men study you all and use the knowledge to their advantage. They know what makes you tick.

When you try to terminate a relationship but just cant muster the will to do it aren’t you in fact allowing Mr. Mention to continue to mess with your head space. Trust me he knows what he is doing
You really want to cut loose?

Consider the following

•Learn to love yourself and place high value on self preservation
•Having a baby for a man has never and will never hold a man
•Sex may keep him coming back but he will eventually move on to the next conquest
•Nine out of ten men wont leave there wives for the other woman so don’t hold your breath
•Let your heart line up with your head so that you can’t tell him don’t come back to your house, yet you leave the key to the front door in the flower pot or under the front door mat!
•Establish a modus operandi for visitation. So when he comes to look for the child set up boundaries for example the bedroom is out of bounds and maybe you need to slip on a house dress instead of parading around in the tights

Women get up stand for your right ……..the right to be respected
Women emancipate yourself from emotional and psychological slavery …none but yourself can free you of emotional bondage
Remember men know your weakness be strong

Mixing Business with Pleasure?

People spend an average of 8 – 10 hours per day (40 – 60 hour per week) at the work place interacting with each other. Sometimes they are forced to work in a confined area almost invading each other’s space. Close association provides an opportunity for one to observe, appreciate and admire the other person’s generosity, physical appearance, intellect, strength of character etc. People who share similar interests, values, tastes, aspirations and goals are more likely to spend more time together hence close social interaction may lead to close physical contact.

Upside of office romance

• Happy workers –look forward to coming to work everyday even on week ends.
• No issue with working overtime – Get much more accomplished
• Good team spirit – keep the love in the family
• You may just meet the love of your life- and live happily ever after

Downside of office romance

•  One or both persons loose focus and become   distracted
•   Causes discomfort to other employees especially when there is an open display of affection
• Jealousy and insecurity set in
• Claims of favouritism and discrimination
• Break up can be very stormy and embarrassing
• False allegation of sexual harassment
•  Voluntary/involuntary separation from job
•  Complications in relationship –woman gets pregnant , wife gets involved, other co-worker in love with same person
• Embarrassment and disgrace to one or both persons
• Most times the most powerful ( boss ) stays and the least powerful ( secretary ) goes 
• Shame and scandal in the family
•  Do
•    Keep it professional – Be a good actor/actress
•   Be sensitive to your co-workers
•  Avoid ugly confrontation with your romancee
• Discuss terms & condition of the relationship with your romancee
• Be conscious of the fact that your romancee has to interact with other colleagues at the work place especially those of the opposite sex
• Be aware of the company’s rules regarding “corporate affairs”
• Maintain self- control
•  Be discreet and tactful

 Don’t 

•         Loose focus of  your job responsibilities

•         Compromise your standards –values

•         Start  the affair if you know you can’t manage it ……like liquor, leave it if know you can’t handle it

•         Abandon/neglect your friends at work

•         Kiss and tell

 “Dating on the job is like eating at your desk; invariably it is going to get messy.”   Mark Oldman, Co-founder and   Director of Vault.com.

     Rule of thumb: If you can’t be good then be careful

Submitted by Wayne A. Powell

What would drive a 50year man to walk away from his wife of 25 years and run in into the arms of a younger woman who is in the same age range as his daughter?

The same question is asked of the woman who leaves the matrimonial home after 20 years to live with a young man who could call her mama as he is half her age.

Such is the scenario that obtains today as both middle aged men and women struggle with the reality of the changes in their bodies and minds. For some they wish they could bypass this stage and remain forever young. The mature man who takes refuge in the arms of a young woman is only fooling himself as he fails to accept the fact that he is not as virile as he use to be and that the young thing only provides a sense of false security.

Jim Conway writes, “Escaping the midlife development crisis is probably as likely as the child escaping adolescence” The truth is that there are some things in life that must happen, aging is one of them.

What is this dreaded life stage that some men and women fear like a disease? Some women in particular spend a lot of money on age defying body lotions and facial creams. They cover the greys as soon as they rear their ugly heads. The affluent ladies would do face lifts and the belly tucks. Some men engage in extramarital affairs in a desperate bid to boost their deflated ego.

Midlife crisis is described as a period that is characterized with self doubt as the individual deals with the passing of youth and the unwelcome arrival of old age. Some suffer from a bout of depression and turn to alcohol and or promiscuity. Marriages and family lives are broken as these old or should I say mature men and women live in a state of denial as they strive desperately to wrestle with Father Time or Mother Nature.

Ladies and Gentlemen I implore you to wake up and smell the coffee, accept the reality of the challenges and not make them a crisis that drives you to behave irresponsibly. Walking away from your wife/husband is a stop gap that will only provide a temporary fix but the deep-seated issues of life changes are not addressed. Embrace the period and do your best to age gracefully. Eat right, exercise and serve God and truly enjoy life to the fullest. Do everything in moderation and remember that the youthful exuberant moments spent in earlier years are now history and can never be regained. 

Crisscounsellor    

Gentlemen let’s reason for a while and ladies pass this article on to your brother, son, cousin and yes, your man. If you are a married/attached man who is in a extramarital affair and you desire to get out but you can’t seem to get out, it is as if you are trapped, then chances are you have fallen victim to the wiles of the other woman.

The truth is, there is a particular brand of women out there who pursue married/attached men and tell themselves and their friends that “I want this guy and I must get him”. Their argument is that wives today are sexually quite conservative and they (the other woman) can adequately provide the spice that these men need and cannot refuse.

Profile of the other woman

1. She is usually quite attractive and sexually appealing
2. She is quite smooth in her approach and most times lead you on before she makes her move. Steamy telephone conversations and provocative email/instant messaging
3. She usually boasts of her sexual prowess
4. She usually makes herself available at your beck and call
5. She will not dis your lady unless she deliberately wants to unseat her
6. She is prepared to go much, much further than your lady is prepared to go (oral treatment)
7. She is usually quite adventurous and will respond at  short notice to a call to go on an overseas trip
8. She is usually quite spontaneous and will make it happen in the most indiscrete places
9.  She is sometimes very demanding and would insist that you come over on Valentine’s and Christmas days- even for an hour
10. She is most times in the high maintenance bracket – clothes, hairstyle, cell phone apartment, car etc
11. She is very accommodating and will let you in the house at morning, noon or night
12. She will be nice to your friends and won’t embarrass you in public

 Benefits of being the other woman

1. No strings attached –no wifey stuff like washing, ironing and looking after kids
2. You get to go the fun places and do the fun things
3. You possess the power to make or break this man
4. You get to save your money
5. You fulfill your sexual appetite and desires
6. You get an opportunity to play virtual wife

    Downside of being the other woman

1. It is not always easy to detach your emotions from the relationship and chances are you may fall in love with this man
2. This relationship is most times built on sex and when the sex dies so is the relationship
3. Wifey will always get priority attention, especially on special occasions
4. Your reputation as a OPP ( other people property ) specialist will proceed you and soon your antics will be public knowledge
5. You will suffer emotional hurt in the long run as this man will drop you and move on to the other young chick that comes along
6. When you are ready for a stable relationship you may have difficulty as you have not developed the capacity to love someone completely

 So Mr. Mention the other woman knows your weakness and has capitalized on it.

1.  
   • She knows that you are a visually stimulated being and so appears before you in what she knows will appeal to you
   • She knows that the lady at home may not be willing to go the extra mile and so she presents a package of sexual excitement that will have you going back for more.
   • She knows that you need to have your ego stroked ,so she will big you up and even fake orgasm just to make you feel good
   • She knows that you will do well with some variety and spice in your relationship and so she  makes you an offer you can’t refuse
   • She knows that if she plays her cards right she can have you eating out of her hand and elsewhere
   • She knows that you will spend money on her as long as she makes you happy

  If you are in such a situation and you are on the brink of going bankrupt (as this life can be very costly) or your committed relationship is negatively affected it may be time for you to tek wey yuself (remove yourself)

Contributed by

Wayne A. Powell

Relationship Counsellor

• Just be yourself, don’t pretend to be what you are not. Forget the hype
• Remove the don’t come close sign. It is usually  communicated via body language
• Be pleasant, smile a while and give your face a rest. Your admirer might just be captivated by it
• Be a lady , the swearing and boisterous behaviour just won’t make it
• Avoid being the centre of attraction if you are not required to be. If you have to be upfront, then be gracious
• Have a good command of the English language especially grammar
• Wear clothes that accentuate your physical attributes but don’t over do it. Leave something to the admirer’s imagination
• Don’t come on too strongly, it may scare off your admirer
• Don’t come too easy, this may also scare  off the admirer
• Offer a helping hand if you can, not expecting anything in return. Be genuine
• Don’t be labeled an OPP ( other people property ) specialist
• Don’t be labeled a Begesha  eg  beg cell. phone or credit
• Don’t be labeled a gold digger 

Men - how to get women to really notice you

• Be confident and self assured not self centred
• Be neatly attired. If  you carry a  pot belly wear it attractively
• Be genuine. Offer assistance without expecting a favour in return
• Be ambitious especially if you don’t  have a lot of money
• Be respectful of  women and be sensitive to their views, opinions and feelings
• Don’t be labeled a woman beater
• Don’t be labeled a player
• Develop a healthy sense of humour
• Develop the art of conversation. Don’t let sex be the only subject you can talk about
• Drop the macho hype and express your emotions openly
• Open the car door for her and when you both are entering a building allow her to go in before you
• When you drop her home don’t leave until she is safely in the house
• If for some reason you will be late for an appointment/date with her call her and explain the reasons
• Call her every now and again but DON’T crowd her. A telephone call at three in the morning is just plain idiotic
• On special occasions it’s not the size of the gift basket that truly matters but the simple gestures that express thoughtfulness and  care
• When you are in a situation of conflict, don’t retaliate in a violent way. This will only embarrass her. Just be cool and stay in control
• If she says no to your sexual advances respect her right to deny you  

Happy Hunting!!

N.B The person you are looking for may just be under your nose

“I feel quite hurt as I don’t deserve to be treated like this?” 
The above statements maybe the expressions of a young lady who was “dumped” by her spouse. In her bid to get back at him she rushes out and initiate a relationship with the guy next door or the co- worker who has always expressed interest in her.

A failed relationship can be traumatic experience for one or both partners and individuals do go through the five stages of grief i.e. shock, denial, anger, sadness and acceptance
SHOCK:  I am surprised by the turn of events. I was not expecting this

DENIAL: I don’t believe that he/she has walked out on me

ANGER: How dare you treat me this way? It nah go so

SADNESS: I can’t live, if living is without you (song)

ACCEPTANCE: I am ready to move on with my life
It is at the third and fourth stages that the estranged partner seeks to rebuild the shattered self esteem and self worth. Rationale thinking is put on hold while the emotional repair work is proceeding.

Rebound relationships by nature are transient as the affected individual is not necessarily looking for a committed relationship. There is temporary relief and as soon as the person accepts the reality of the loss he/she will loose interest and may want to be left alone, much to the amazement of the new partner.
How to avoid a rebound relationship

• Give yourself time to reflect on the root cause of the break-up
• Do a honest self evaluation. Ask your self. “Is there something I have done or never did that prompted this action?”
• Avoid sharing your hurt with someone who may have vested interest, he or she may take advantage of your fragile emotional state
• Use the opportunity to  explore new hobbies and creative activities
• Don’t be angry be happy the break-up may just be a blessing in disguise
• Use the opportunity to re-establish the tenets of your next relationship
• Give yourself at least a year to fully exhaust the grieving process

          REMEMBER
LIFE IS 10% OF WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, AND 90% OF HOW YOU RESPOND TO IT
STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN IS GOING TO BE ROUGH BUT YOU CAN MAKE IT